Tips to Pleasure a Woman That’ll Make Her Weak at the Knees

Let’s talk about good sex. Like gooood sex. Like the good sex that makes everyone feel fully safe and 100 percent satisfied. Now, unfortunately, despite how pretty much every porn, sexy show, and steamy movie depicts female arousal, good sex for a woman typically isn’t a couple of kisses followed by a few minutes of thrusting. Sorry, Hollywood! Bringing a woman to orgasm has little to do with pornographic skills. The key is spending more time on foreplay and learning about the spots that, when stimulated, can lead to a female orgasm. It also doesn’t hurt to understand which sexual positions provide the best chance for orgasm either.

Since everybody’s different—from their anatomy to their sexual interests—there’s no singular trick that’ll make everyone completely lose it in bed 100 percent of the time, which is why learning a wide variety of tips to pleasure a woman is so essential. Whether you’re easing into intercourse, preparing for anal sex, or just want to enhance the hookups you’re having, we’ve got you covered. Read on for our recommended tips that’ll turn every romp into one worth remembering.

 

1. De-prioritize penetration.

One of the first and most important ways to please a vagina-having partner is to focus less on the penetration of it all. Outercourse is just as important as intercourse. When sex is focused on penetration and the male orgasm, it takes away from being more pleasure centered. Instead of rushing to the penetration, try taking your time or *gasp* skipping the P-in-V stuff altogether. You may be aroused and ready to go from the minute she gives you a sexy glance. But many women need plenty of physical and emotional stimulation to become aroused, lubricated, and primed for an orgasm. That’s why foreplay is so crucial. There are a lot of different types of sex you can try, some of which may be more pleasurable for your partner.

2. Do some pleasure mapping.

Mapping out pleasure is a real thing and yup, the treasure is truly orgasmic. Basically, pleasure mapping is a way to figure out what feels good on someone’s body. To do it, explore primary and secondary erogenous zones while performing a sensual massage, incorporating textures (i.e. feathers, fur, leather tassels), or temperature play (i.e. ice or wax). Caressing her gently can create sexual tension before you go any further. Hug her, hold her hand, or touch her thigh. Female orgasm is more likely to happen if, when you’re kissing a woman, you let your hands roam to more erotic regions of her body. (Another hint: Yes, the breasts are an erogenous zone, but they’re not the only one! Try stroking her back or her thighs, or sliding your fingers into her hair.) As you slowly move around your partner’s body, have your partner rate how much pleasure they feel on a scale of 1-5. This will give you an idea of the areas they love to be touched and the areas they prefer you steer clear of. There’s no point wasting time kissing their neck when they prefer bites on their shoulder, you feel?

 

 

3.  Watch your S.O. masturbate.

There’s literally no better way to please a partner than watching them please themself. This is especially true for people with vaginas because it isn’t uncommon for vulva-havers to experience orgasms on their own but never with a partner. Observe how your partner touches themself. Pay close attention to what type of touch, pressure, and speed they gravitate toward. They know their bodies best, so learn from the source.

4. Rub the clit.

If there was a singular secret move to pleasuring someone with a vagina, it would have to be paying attention to the clitoris. Since close to 90 percent of people with vaginas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, the clitoris is the one pleasure organ you absolutely don’t want to miss. Play with applying light and firm pressure. Start with slow movements and gradually increase the pace. If their breathing quickens, their back arches, or the clitoris stiffens and sticks out, you’re on the right track!

5. Up the intimacy.

For some women, mental arousal is just as important as physical arousal. A sexy note or a flirtatious call during the day can get her thinking about your upcoming liaison. Candles, fresh flowers, and mood music can also create a loving and sensuous atmosphere. For many women, closeness and emotional intimacy can lead to better sexual experiences and more orgasms.

There’s much more to intimacy than just sex, and the more you build it *outside* the bedroom, the better your connection and intimacy will be *in* the bedroom. Spending quality time together, having deep conversations, and engaging in non-sexual touch are a few easy ways to strengthen your bond.

Have tantric sex, which is a slower, more meditative style that emphasizes intimacy and the sexual experience as a whole. People who practice tantric sex often share that they have multiple and/or more intense orgasms.

6. Sext throughout the day.

Foreplay doesn’t simply start in the bedroom. It can start from the moment you wake up. Little texts like “Can’t wait to get naked with you tonight” can get your partner excited before you even set foot in the same room. If sending nudes is something that turns you and your partner on, go ahead, and swap some sexy photos with one another. Then you can text what you plan to do to their naked body. Sexting gets the fires going so early that by the time you’re actually in bed, you’ll be RARING to go.

 

7.  Incorporate some mood music.

Songs make everything seem more epic, and sex is no exception. Before just throwing your “most played” on shuffle, however, you might want to curate a sex playlist. If you’re having a hard time picking some music, make it an activity to do together! Nobody wants to be getting after it when “A Hard Knock Life” from Annie kicks on. Unless of course, that’s your vibe.

8. Apply absolutely ZERO pressure.

Seriously, none. If [they’re] struggling to reach orgasm, pressure—even subtle pressure like asking ‘Are you close?’—can turn [them] off. Before moving on from one type of sex to another (like oral to penetration), asking and ensuring your partner is ready for that and even wants to do it is basically Bedroom Etiquette 101. Sex isn’t always perfect—unexpected things happen like cramps, periods, queefs, gagging, and more. All are quite common and may seem embarrassing, but women want to feel safe during sex and know that whatever happens is okay and free of judgment.  Also, these are the things you can absolutely laugh about and move on from, mmk? No sweat!

9. Gooo sloooow.

Throwing down on the nearest floor is fine sometimes when a dramatic flourish is necessary, but for the most part, slow and steady wins the race. Get to the point where they’re begging for more. Start with non-genital contact and move slowly toward the goods. [Vagina-havers] are wired to relax this way. Experiment with different speeds and pressures of touch. Also, if you really want to create a slow build up, give the vagina a literal massage to warm things up the right way.

10.Don’t forget eye contact.

We’re not talking about a gaping, goldfish stare here. But some sultry glances as your mouths meet or your fingers tease their waistband? Hot. For some people, eye contact helps them feel connected—that connection is required to be turned on.

Now, of course, everyone’s different, and some people might not be a fan of the lingering gaze. Ask your partner what eye contact means to them and if it’s something that they want. If they don’t want eye contact, it’s a great conversation starter around why. Getting to know your partner and having more ideas? WIN WIN WIN WIN.

11. Use some toys.

Sex toys are great for changing things up, inspiring fantasies, and giving that extra oomph of stimulation. There are a ton of options out there from sex toys that simulate oral sex to cock rings and even app-operated sex toys. Play around with a few together to see what your partner likes.

 

12.  Take your time and pay attention.

It may seem like an obvious “duh,” but you’d be surprised by how quickly things can move in the moment. For sex of any kind, choose to take the scenic route instead of the shortcut. Start from the top of their head and go all the way down to their toes. It truly takes people with vaginas 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm, so having a patient partner helps them experience sexual fulfillment.

13. Be selfless.

The only thing hotter than feeling like a priority is the literal sun itself. Most people want a partner who puts their needs first and makes their pleasure a priority. The great thing about being a selfless lover is that your partner will want to reciprocate. (Which seems like a win-win here.)

14. Use some variety.

Look, no one wants to bone in one position all night. Novelty is what excites the brain, whether that’s through a new sex position, toy, or outfit. Play more games, experimenting with different sex positions, having sex in different places in the home, and/or using a toy. The reason: Doing the same moves and having sex in the same positions or in the same place becomes mundane for women who are in long term partnerships or if they are having sex with the same person consistently.

15. Make cunnilingus on par with every blow job fantasy.

You know how some people want you to be so into sucking their dick that you’re literally like, gagging and tearing up? Vagina-havers want that too! No, you don’t have to tear up, but passionate enthusiasm never hurt anyone. Let them know you want feedback. Ask them multiple times if it feels good and if there’s anything you could do to make it even better. If you don’t know what you are doing, learn. This is the information age—there are plenty of resources.

16. Keep an open mind.

Maybe your partner wants to bring toys into the mix or try something different in bed. Being vulnerable is hard. Being vulnerable when you’re naked is even harder. While you never have to do or try something you’re not into, being a partner, someone can trust and feel safe around is key. Just listening without judgment and being willing to break out of your comfort zone will go a long way.

17. Have lots of vocal enthusiasm.

Women tend to be more verbal, and hearing how good she’s making you feel can help her open up and have fun. There is nothing hotter than a partner who is just stoked to be with you and can’t stop geeking out over how hot they think you are or how much you turn them on. Get loud and get freaky with it. Tell your partner how much you want them, and that you can’t stop thinking about them.

 

18.  Communicate before, during, and after.

There’s a time and a place for wordlessly-grunty sex, but having a partner who asks if you’re into something or if you want it another way is also nice. You don’t get any extra points for making it to the finish line without saying a peep. Talk about what you like before sex, during sex, and after sex to make it overall better for everyone.

19. Keep a clean bed.

It’s really, really hard to let yourself go and enjoy yourself if you can feel your calves brushing up against any sedimentary layers of sweat, grime, and hookups past. If you know someone’s coming over for some sexy time, wash your damn sheets. If you haven’t gotten the chance to wash your sheets, move the party elsewhere like the couch or the shower. It’s just common courtesy!

20. Have realistic expectations.

Porn sex is cool and all, but real-life sex isn’t really like that. Expecting your partner to act how your favorite adult stars act—or engage in the kind of sex you like to see on your phone/computer when masturbating—is completely unrealistic. Not only is it not going to happen, but it’s not going to make your partner feel any closer to pleasure. Concentrate more on connecting with the person and being in the moment over trying to replace something you saw in a fantasy created for the male gaze. Trust us, it’s better—and hotter—for all involved.

21.Grab some lube.

Lube isn’t just good for anal or intercourse, but it can actually be used for all types of sexual touch. The slickness helps reduce the risk of chafing, and the silkiness makes skin-to-skin contact feel far more sensual. Try using a variety of lubricants—including warming lubes—to see what you like best. Just make sure to avoid silicone lube if you’re incorporating silicone toys since it can actually break down your playthings. When in doubt, water-based lubes are usually your best bet.